In the Beginning

There are exceptional people who sit down to meditate for the first time and experience a deep level of concentration, who can sit for hours not distracted by thoughts or discomfort in the body, and who then return to the normal state of mind refreshed and at ease. This is not you or me; this is not what most people experience when beginning to meditate.

Beginners usually start by focusing on a mantra, or on their breath; both methods are called concentration meditation. Breathing is normal, not manipulated. Your mind will not like this. Your mind wishes to remain free to jump about from topic to topic, chattering at you non-stop; including but not restricted to: planning, rehearsing what you plan to do or say, remembering past conversations or scenes, endlessly explaining something to somebody, and fantasizing. Your mind will most likely inform you that concentrating on one thing, like a mantra or your breath, is flat out boring.

While I think any attempt at meditation can be beneficial, I personally went looking for another method after attempting for years to just follow my breath. I was drawn to Vipassana or Insight meditation, which can incorporate focusing on the breath, but broadens the experience. I'm not attempting to give an official, certified teaching on meditation; just my understanding from my years of experience.

The instructions for concentration meditation are to put your attention back on your mantra or your breath as soon as you realize your mind has wandered off. That's it. Your mind wanders; put it back on the object of meditation. Analogies commonly given are that training or taming your mind is like breaking a wild horse, training a puppy or a monkey, or anything trainable. My mind was more like a zebra, which allegedly can't be tamed.

Insight meditation offers more interesting instruction. When I "wake up" and find that my mind has wandered off of my breath, I notice where my mind has gone. There is the experience of separation; I am watching my mind now. Bringing the incessant chatter to a halt while I check out and note where my mind has been. As my mind inevitably does wander and I notice each time, I am collecting useful information about where my mind likes to hang out, and I'm seeing patterns of thinking that I was not aware of. For example, though I wouldn't describe myself as an angry person, I see a habitual pattern in which my mind self-righteously (angrily) lectures a vague "someone" about political corruption and social injustice.

The experience of separation, of being acutely conscious of where my mind goes and of habitual thought patterns, is for me, extremely beneficial. People who have no experience of meditation are more apt to be bound within their own mind, to accept all of their thoughts as true, to believe that they are their thoughts. Meditation gives me the space to step back and observe my mind, to step back from whatever emotional state I'm feeling; to be a neutral observer. Rather than deep concentration, this method invites insight as to how my own mind works, and to some extent, the way everyone's mind works. As to the nature of the mind, we are all more alike than not; it is the content, or the story we tell ourselves about who we are that differs from person to person.

It's a beginning meditation trap to expect that all meditation will be peaceful and stress releasing. For most of us, every meditation session is different, entirely unpredictable. I may sit down and feel an immediate sense of calm and well-being; thoughts seem to slow down and give me space and peace. For no discernible reason, in the next session I may be restless and agitated with angry, negative thoughts seeming to overwhelm me. I no longer have any agenda for meditation; whatever happens will be interesting. Whatever happens will be illuminating in some way if I approach my meditation with curiosity rather than any expectation.

It is not my job as a meditator to stop my thinking. I can't. As I say, there are people who can but that's their experience and it is irrelevant to me. It is enough to be curious about my thoughts, to give my thoughts respect but not to be necessarily taken in. My thoughts are sometimes crazy, often judgmental, sometimes vicious, and not necessarily true. I don't control my thoughts; I observe them. If I can be more tolerant of myself regarding my own thoughts, than I can develop more tolerance for others.

I can't attribute the quote to anyone in particular, but one explanation as to who we really are asserts that we are the space between our thoughts. Meditation is a way to become aware of the space between your thoughts.

The Dog's Deposition

Occasionally, dogs with guns shoot people. A tale from gun nutty America that seems improbable though parts of it may be true.

Florida man, 35, told police Saturday that he and his dog were in his truck when the dog kicked a gun that was on the truck's floor. The gun went off, shooting the man in the leg, police said. The man wasn't seriously injured. According to the police report, the man said he was driving along State Road 17 North when the dog kicked the unloaded .380 pistol. The report went on to say that the man was "surprised" to learn not only that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm Beretta semi-automatic handgun, not a .380.  Police Commander Mike Carter said police are investigating the incident. 

The Dog's Story:

Chuck 

It was my first time being questioned by the police. The police commander seemed professional and friendly, but I was kept waiting in a small room by myself for at least as long as it takes to walk twice around the average block. The holdup, apparently, was finding a police dog who could interview me. The first inquiry was conducted by a very large, intimidating police dog named Roger.

Officer Roger entered the interrogation room abruptly and he didn't just sniff around. He wanted me to describe the gun in detail, and whether or not I'd had reason to believe the gun was in fact loaded. A trick question. My best friend, man-person Bob, had himself been very confused on this point when questioned by the police after the incident. Bob said he'd been shot with an unloaded .380 pistol; the policeman and I are looking at the recently fired 9mm Beretta semi-automatic handgun still laying in plain sight on the floor of the truck. I told Officer Roger, that I had no knowledge or expertise with regard to guns, loaded or unloaded. Which is not true, but I didn't like the tough dog routine.

The police commander stepped into the stuffy little room at that point, and motioned to Officer Roger, who was immediately replaced by my new interrogator, Officer Danny.

Officer Danny was sympathetic; said he understood I was in a bit of a tough spot as dogs had neither gun rights nor lawyers. He just wanted to hear my story. I decided to tell the truth.

Chuck's Deposition:

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT FOR HIGHLANDS COUNTY IN AND FOR THE STATE OF FLORIDA.

Case No. 02-C-04-055271

My best friend, man-person Bob and I were in our red truck. I ride shotgun beside Bob. We own a vast array of guns that we keep in a pile in one of our back rooms; we always travel armed because this is Florida. Bob had just grabbed a gun from the top of the pile, dumped it on the floor of the truck, and we set off.

We were still in town, coming up to a red traffic signal where another truck pulled up beside us. Bob's driving, listening to music and talking to his buddies on his cell phone, so I'm the lookout for any signs of danger. Danger was definitely staring right at me; a Doberman in a bad mood. A Doberman in a bad mood with an AK - 47  practically on his lap.
     

         

Bob was oblivious to the threat and headed out to State Road 17 North with Doberman truck following right behind us. Just one more truck carrying an attack dog and assault rifle as far as Bob was concerned. The Doberman's driver was getting ready to pass us.

Of course the Doberman can't actually aim the gun, but most dogs of a certain size know how to whack a loaded gun to make it fire. My only option was to kick our gun first, both to get Bob's attention and to warn off Doberman and driver. I was entirely successful. I do regret shooting Bob, but he wasn't seriously injured so not much harm done.



Pursuant to Notice, the Deposition of Chuck was taken on February 26, 2023 commencing at 10:05 A.M. at the Sebring Police Station, before Officer Danny, police dog and a Notary Public.

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